Coming up on the year
I never thought that I would be able to have children. I always felt like because I wanted them so much, that I would probably not be able to have them and I almost thought that my prophecy may be true when I did not because pregnant after two and a half years of trying.
I knew I was pregnant right away; I mean immediately. I cannot explain it other than I felt a sort-of "spark" in my belly. I remember lying in the dark, hands on my stomach, thinking, "That was it.". When my husband's birthday rolled around the next week, I turned down a glass of wine, because I just knew. When I did the annul MS walk-a-thon a few weeks later, I took it easy and didn't exert myself too much, because I was absolutely certain.
So, it was no surprise to me when the due date for my period came and went without any signs. I held out doing the test. I didn't tell anyone. It was kinda fun! I'd never kept a secret before. Finally I couldn't stand it anymore. I got up at 4 am and took the test. Positive, I KNEW IT!!! I hid the test in my underwear drawer and went to work. I went about my day as usual, keeping that little secret to myself. I didn't want the bubble to burst, as it had before.
I had never been so sure of anything in my life as I had been about just knowing that I was pregnant. I'm sure there is no possible way for me to know that for sure, but I like believing the magic. I was completely trusting my intuition at that moment, something I may never experience again.
I felt you in my body that second, the very moment you were conceived. I felt you live in me, breath in me, move in me. I feel you even now, though you are not in my presence.
I will feel you forever.